Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
