farters have to be the big spoon...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
