So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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