i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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