STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
