Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
