Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
