I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
