All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize