im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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