it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
