There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
