Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
