Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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