her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
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All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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