My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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