just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
