Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
