Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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