hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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