my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
