Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
