god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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