Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
be right there i have to get my cape
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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