i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
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My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.