Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.