I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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