i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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