You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover