I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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