take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
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I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes