well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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