I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
