Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
