She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
