Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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