I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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