Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize