Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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