From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
