can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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