i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
