Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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