We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
