There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think i have two assholes
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
