yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize