I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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