My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
