the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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