His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
