i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
