wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
