you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
