She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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