The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
