Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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