oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
