Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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