walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
