just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
