A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
