If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
