Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
