If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
