I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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