My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
