youre lurking in front of me
My nipple is on Facebook.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
