1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's official drugs can't kill me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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