just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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