Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think i got beer on your cat.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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