dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
