She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
two words...techno handjob
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
