This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
