I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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