Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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