Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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