she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
