Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
