are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
