I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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