gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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